May 7, 2008...7:11 pm
The Schlong Song
Schlong Schlong Schlong Schlong Sha-long. What? You’ve never heard that song? Oh. How about The Hills are A-live with the sound of MUUU-sic? Or even Hal-lelujah…Hallelujah…Hallelujah…Ha-le-lu-jah? Do those ring a bell?
I think it’s been well vocalized by yours truly that Sweetie Darling is perfectly content to sit in his own pee and poo until he reaches the age of Depends and dentures. Partially, if you remember, this has to do with his darling papa threatening to spank him last summer when he didn’t want to sit on the potty. Which, in turn, made the poor child live in fear of ever sitting is pasty white hiney on one. The grand total number of times the kid has peed the pot? Three: 1 time last summer, 1 time last fall, and 1 time in the winter.
It’s sad to watch him try. He grits his teeth, he clutches his fists, he goes such a startling shade of puce you’d think the kid had the world’s most awful rock of a turd stuck up there somewhere in the realm of constipation. He’s so impatient. And, when he doesn’t go RIGHTNOW, he gets discouraged and starts to cry.
I kept telling Puppy after Disney was over (who wants to cart around a just-trained toddler in a theme park? “Not I.” said the fly!) and we had the ability to keep trying. Cue Tuesday night. We cajoled quite well. The promise of jelly beans having lost its initial lustre, we added chocolate milk to the equation. We calmly sat him down. We tried to explain that it wouldn’t happen right away. We waited. My mom said something about warm water poured on the boy bits might help out. Desperate as we are, I did it. I poured lukewarm water on him. And? Pee. Successful stream and much heralding, clapping, and rejoicing in our house. Yesterday, he did it once more. I dare to think we might be turning a corner? Could it be? Might it just click? Holly said it was possible for this to happen.
Then, there was today. Yep. Damn skippy gals. The stars aligned themselves today. The day that milk and honey and pee flowed. The day I heard Puccini and Handel as the kid, after peeing his sheets this morning, went on the potty. Then again and again. He went SIX times today. Let’s recap, shall we? Prior to today? A grand total of five times in a solid year. Today? SIX. I am stupified. I am actually almost speechless (and we all know how I can gab, right?) with joy. It’s like a dream. Don’t let me wake up!
There’s only problem: he won’t go without the lukewarm water. How much longer must I pour water on the hooter? I cannot stop singing The Schlong Song in my head. Have I created a new obstacle? Will he be 13 and having Mommy pour warm water on his wanker? What do you guys think?
Puppy, this has nothing to do with the fact that you are the world’s most modest person (offsets my total lack of modesty) and refuse to pee in front of him…even locking the bathroom door when you take a leak, right? Hello, numnuts! I don’t have the proper equipment!
61 Comments
May 7, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Oh hell’s bells - that is THE funniest thing I have heard in a long time. I can see it now - he is 13 and you still have to pour water on IT!
May 7, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Hey, if it makes him pee in the toilet, I say commence the lukewarm water! And that’s a fabulous tip . . .
I’m not so much worried that my kid won’t potty train, I’m more worried that he’s going to outgrow all the diapers before he does so. I noticed today he’s outgrown his size 4 diapers and needs size 5 . . . and he’s 9 months.
Depends here I come!
May 7, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Way to go SD!! I have never heard the tip about pouring water on it, just running the water in the sink. But hey, at this stage, whatever works, right? Although, yeah, that might seem a little weird to the other guys in gym class come about 6th grade or so…
But hey, what do I know? Potty training has been THE WORST thing I have ever had to do. HAVE FUN! ; )
May 7, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I wonder if the water trick works on girls? I’m guessing no. Morgan wants nothing to do with her little port-a-potty. A while back, she went several times. And now? You even ASK her if she wants to sit on the big girl potty and she says “All done. I all done now.”
Way to go, SD!! Just think….once you’re totally trained and Mommy isn’t buying anymore diapers, she can SO get that Coach or Lulu bag she wants and then? YOU will get all the chocolate milk and jelly beans you desire
May 7, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Monkeyman is the same way. I can’t get him to model a thing. I’ve never heard of the warm water thing but I just might try it the next time he’s there straining like crazy.
May 7, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hey, what’s with the little quilt patch thingy?
May 7, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Yeah try running the faucet in the room you’re in….I too have never heard of water on the actual nether regions….but hey, whatever works….well done!
May 7, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Don’t worry about age 13, celebrate today! And definitely try the running water in sink thing.
May 7, 2008 at 9:36 pm
They say you never see a teenager on a date in a diaper so eventually he’ll be trained. My daughter has actually been working on Tristan and the potty, she sits him on it every time a timer goes off and he has used it a few times but I figure he’s pretty young and she should just relax a bit.
I am wondering however, after pouring water on, then the pee pee making, do you wad a bit of tissue to dab it dry? I actually did that to my first boy until my hubby told me that men shake. I had no clue back then.
May 7, 2008 at 9:57 pm
yay sd!!!
and holly? i’m practically peeing my pants over the warm water thing…
May 7, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Hey — if the water trick works, use it! He’ll get to the point where he won’t want you in the bathroom at all, so he’ll grow out of it. One step at a time.
And- I will be using that tip- just as soon as we get moved.
May 7, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Do what feels right. If the water works go with it. After a week or two of successful pottying then you can start suggesting trying it on his own. Kinda ween him off of it, so to speak.
YAY!!!! *golf clap*
May 7, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Warm water, eh?
My mom used to have my little brother turn on the faucet to help him pee. It worked! Our water bill was a little high, but it was worth it! Little guy had a system.
The only problem was that ANY time you would run the water, he would rush off to the bathroom. Hee hee . . . so much fun for the older sister
May 8, 2008 at 5:51 am
It’s a good thing we have no modesty in our house at all. Well, maybe. LOL
I think he’ll eventually get it without the water. Maybe run the water in the sink like the other comments said? Something he can do himself?
May 8, 2008 at 6:06 am
Congrats of the pee! I hope SD learns it’s good to pee in the toilet and then doesn’t need the water. But I still have a year or two to go before I reach that point, so I don’t really know anything.
May 8, 2008 at 6:38 am
I think everybody’s right. Eventually he’ll go by himself. I would get the habit well established before I stopped with the warm water.
Yay, SD! When you’re done there, could you come over to my house and get Punkin straightened out. She’ll poo on the potty regularly, but pee it’s hit and miss (though not literally!).
May 8, 2008 at 6:49 am
Congrats to SD! I’m sure the lukewarm water thing won’t last too long - just until he maybe gets used to the idea and is confidant in it? I’m a bit jealous - I’m a long way away from no diapers!
May 8, 2008 at 7:04 am
LOL! I hadn’t’ heard of the pouring water bit, although I have tried running water with mine - with mixed results. Too bad Pup is modest. The ONE THING I recommend over all others is having them watch Daddy when he goes. (Is it just me, or does that sound TOTALLY wrong?? I had to type and delete it four times before I decided it was OK to leave it in…
When we started Monkey training, that’s what we did, and it worked better than anything I tried with the older ones. Added bonus, Monkey (and Mater) all but skipped the sitting down phase, and went straight to standing up.
My oldest was 3 yr and 10 days before I got him done, tried when he was two, gave up and let him decide when, and that worked. I’ve never heard of a kid going to the prom in diapers, so don’t worry, it will happen.
Besides, once you have to start planning your car trips around where the cleanest restrooms are, you’ll pine for the days of diapers!!
Thanks for the comment! You don’t have to enter the contest for me, although I appreciate the offer!!
May 8, 2008 at 7:27 am
The water thing won’t last long. He’ll get how to control it and let it out.
And, he won’t go to college in diapers.
Do you have a bathroom book? Maybe that will help?
May 8, 2008 at 7:29 am
Okay so I never tried the warm water deal but hey whatever works!!!!
And your hubby and my hubby are polar opposites in that department. Bud always leaves the door open when he pees. I think this led to Bean knowing to stand up right away.
Another tip - if you don’t mind the laundry, put him in underwear. It helps.
But really it does just click. It took us to 3 years and a month. But he FINALLY pees and poops in the potty!
May 8, 2008 at 7:42 am
I agree with the underwear thing (and now, mental picture of a groom with his mother and warm water- Ok, demented mind!)
Seriously, it will happen when he’s ready. It may seem like forever now, but it won’t be.
Remember you can lead a horse to the potty…
May 8, 2008 at 8:36 am
Success! yay!!!
Keep the lukewarm water coming….he’ll get it before you know it
(And don’t worry about the standing up thing, my son started training in December and he still does not stand to pee–and I am not in a hurry!)
May 8, 2008 at 8:56 am
College is going to be interesting, no?
(He should grow out of this….I hope.)
May 8, 2008 at 9:10 am
warm water, huh? That must be much faster than our method of sitting in there with the kid reading and singing until something happens…
May 8, 2008 at 9:18 am
He’ll get past the water stage. The next step, once he does, is to teach him how to write his name in the snow.
May 8, 2008 at 9:48 am
Yaaaay SD!!! When they are ready, I guess they are ready!
I don’t know what to tell you about the water bit. I only have girls so I didn’t have to do that with them. I think it would have created a large mess, although I am keeping it in mind for Alyssa!
May 8, 2008 at 9:59 am
How many times did you use a slang for “It”? I am teary eyed from all the laughter!
I had the hardest time getting my 3rd boy to potty train. Never tried water, but the peeing wasn’t his resistance. I wonder if just turning on the faucet could take place of the pouring? The sound of water makes them pee,if they have to. This is how I get my younger 2 to go pee before bed when they INSIST that they do not have to go!! My 2cents.
Thanks for the laugh and CONGRATS to you and SD!!
May 8, 2008 at 10:04 am
My friend swears by the running water thing. My LM goes pee everytime his feet hit the bathwater, so we’ve taken to holding the diaper under him as he gets in. Dang kid. Tryin to piss in the bathwater!
And we call it a “zizi” around here, lol. I think you should stick with a Brit term. Hooter makes me think of boobs. heh
May 8, 2008 at 10:07 am
Sometimes just the sound of running water will help. But there again you might have to do that the rest of his life. Hmmm. Oh well. At least it is getting him used to the potty now.
May 8, 2008 at 10:18 am
Aww, potty training, what fun! Glad it’s you and not me.
May 8, 2008 at 11:07 am
I’ve tried the running water thing and it didn’t work with Little Man. Maybe I’ll have to try the pouring of the water on the parts.
I agree with everyone else. It might be six months, but eventually, he’ll go without needing you to pour water on him.
That post totally made me giggle really, really hard though.
May 8, 2008 at 11:24 am
Milk and honey and pee flowed.
Ew. Did he eat milk and honey recently? Maybe he should see a doctor?
May 8, 2008 at 11:54 am
Congratulations! Potty training is one of the toughest things in parenting. Having to pour water to kick start it? Heck yeah - what ever works! Eventually, he’ll do it on his own.
May 8, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I am, by far, the world’s worst mom when it comes to potty training. I stink at it…..however, having a little boy, I know it was a HUGE help having a daddy to watch how to go. So - maybe you can convince Mr. Pup that he needs to get over his shyness and show that boy the ropes.
May 8, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Woohoo!!! THANK GOODNESS I ‘m not the only one with a cup sitting beside the toilet to pour water on my child’s privates
It works really well. I wish I had more encouraging words for you. We’ve been doing that for about a YEAR now, and my daughter still doesn’t give me warning when she wants to pee 
May 8, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hmmmm, if warm water is all it takes maybe I’ll try it. I mean, I’m already retraining the boy who thinks he’s a puppy to go inside rather than outside.
And I’m still of the school that thinks hooters are a female persuasion only. Hooters on the nether regions just don’t exist.
And YEAH!!! for peeing 6 times today!!!
May 8, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Male modesty. Personally, I think its funny!
In the beginning, Coach was so bad, he couldn’t pee if the cat came in the bathroom. Said it freaked him out to know she was watching him. I used to open the door and let the cat in, just for fun.
I used to work in daycare before I had my boys, so I knew a few tricks for teaching them to actually stand up at the potty and NOT spray all over the place. As far as the warm water…. we didn’t use it, but then again, my boys were extremely stubborn. They basically potty trained themselves about a month after their 3rd birthdays, and all I did was bribe them with “big boy” underwear that they got to pick out all by themselves.
And really, nothing makes your little boy feel like a big boy quite like having the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Spiderman all over their bums!
May 8, 2008 at 1:31 pm
May I just say, that I lined up twin boys to watch their Daddy pee and he ended up peeing on their heads cuz they both leaned in to watch. Not a fine moment as I was blamed for that brillant idea.
Keep up with the water - it’s the poo you have to master. Thing2 would hold it all day and then when he got a diaper on for the night would bless me with a loaf. I got a baby enema and filled that boy up and wouldn’t let him off the potty until all systems were a go. I think he was scared to go but after that it worked so do what you got to do until it clicks with the boy. Thing1 would go just cuz Thing2 did while youngest kid knew how to do it but flat out refused until the day he turned 3 and never had a problem. Sigh
May 8, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Woot! Now THAT is a milestone (and a patent of some kind).
May 8, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I totally dread the potty training.
I do hear that boys take longer than girls.
I am lucky my husband doesn’t have a modest bone in his body and lately Bubbie has been going into the bathroom (since hubby leave the door open) and watches daddy go. I hope he is taking notes.
May 8, 2008 at 2:55 pm
LOL! Buy the kid a bidet and you’ll be all set
May 8, 2008 at 4:13 pm
My husband isn’t looking forward to potty training either for the same reason. Why is it we mom’s are supposed to let the everyone hang out in the bathroom with us and never have our privacy, but men - their time is sacred!
Hopefully the warm water bit is a phase!
May 8, 2008 at 6:26 pm
YAY for 6 times!!! I hope the water phase passes quickly! Luckily, my hubby gladly accepts his hand in potty training our boy and has already taken him in the bathroom to explain the “process” several times (which makes me howl with laughter as our 10 month old can barely stand let alone pee into the toilet).
May 8, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I am so happy for you. I have those very songs running through my head now…thanks for that. I am glad something clicked as I suggested (whew on that…I am hardly the potty training expert unless you count quanitity over quality). My dear hubby is the same way which is why the standing thing didn’t get introduced until a friend was over…note to self, don’t invite the kid’s male friends over…so yeah! You are doing good.
May 8, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Hey, I need my daily update on the success of the Schlong Song. Successful day today?
May 8, 2008 at 8:53 pm
OMG LOL! I just hope you get him out of that habit before he hits Pre-K and that comes from an occasional Pre-K teacher!
May 8, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Well done SD!
LOL seconding the above comment, I’ve had some strange requests from parents but that would be pushing it too far!
May 8, 2008 at 9:41 pm
CONGRATS sd!!!!!!!!
May 8, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Oh, sweetie, if you are still pouring tepid water on the, er, boy parts at 13, SD will be the strangest kid on the block.
Good luck with this new turn of events. Pup needs to step up and model the right thing to do to the little fella; who’s going to teach him to shake? (Something I didn’t even know occurred until a year ago!)
May 9, 2008 at 12:01 am
Yeah! Potty training is by far my least favorite part of parenting.
I am a big fan of the half naked child club. Run him around pants-less for a few days. They figure it out pretty well. Worked with both my boys in about a week.
I am also very fond of the baby bjorn potty seat that sits on the toilet. Less to clean and they feel like a big kid. And they can’t fall in.
Good luck!
May 9, 2008 at 9:55 am
Wow. I don’t think I’ve EVER heard of a man being modest?? LOL But I do think it should be mandatory for dad’s to help with little boys. Gregg would put the ever popular cheerio in the toilet and…you know….aim and hit it and our son thought that was the greatest thing in the world. He wanted to help dad ’sink’ the cheerio and it sure didn’t take long before he was trained. Saying that though, I think if you are at least getting him to go then you are well on your way and the water trick won’t last long. Soon enough he will want to do it all on his own and I say yeaaa to SD for a job well done!
May 9, 2008 at 10:25 am
Whatever works! I never tried it but 6 times in a day! Congrats. What will you do to get the poo in the water? I don’t think I really want to know. heh!
May 9, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Oh congrats, looks like we will be doing the toilet training together.
I say if it works just now just stick with it, Rebecca got chocolate everytime she used the potty and i worried that she would never get out the habit well one day we had none and she has never asked for it since.
Are you as nervous as i am about really doing this toilet training thing? I would so let her stay in nappies for years if i could
May 9, 2008 at 5:24 pm
i wondered if dad had stepped up and showed him how or not. it’s not just me, dr phil says the same sex parent has the most influence. my guess would be potty training included.
May 9, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Oh potty training, I am in the trenches of it myself…I think I’m losing
May 10, 2008 at 7:19 pm
The ’schlong song’ hahahahaha. too funny.
May 10, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Ahhh….potty training. Never tried the warm water over the wee-wee. I basically did a potty training boot camp with Quinn (he was 2 and a half). Lots of water/juice made him have to go all the time. It worked for us, but was a pain in the butt at the time. You can read all about it here, if you want/have time/etc. http://mccathy.blogspot.com/search/label/potty%20training
May 11, 2008 at 5:07 pm
OK, I admit it. I sat and read through 6 posts to get caught up. The Cam has taken an aversion to me sitting at the laptop and refuses to allow me to plant myself here longer than he deems necessary: 2 seconds.
Anyway, I just wanted to say, I’ve never heard “it” called a wanker before. Interesting usage…
And, Ian was 3 years and 2 months before he went on the toilet full-time. And yes, I was buying nappies for two until that sorry sad point. Something about pre-school and toilet training and backpacks clicked in that wee heid of his.
May 12, 2008 at 9:50 am
I just caught up on all your posts from last week. The Disney pictures are SO cute! And congrats on the ass thing. And NICE watch! And Pup really has to let SD in the bathroom with him. The little guy has to learn how to pee like a man.
May 12, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Who can blot out memories of potty training. Not I said the cow. All along that tiny lamb in a bucket…
May 13, 2008 at 2:30 pm
YEAH!!!!!!
wish I had heard of that…we might’ve tried that with Gavin eons ago! He wasn’t daytime potty-trained until a few weeks after his 3rd birthday…and that’s only when I sucked it up and put him in underwear and shorts (and was 9 months pg!). He was so miserable in wet clothes that he was potty trained by the end of the week.
Now if we could get him night-time trained…and he’s nearly four! *sigh*
(and really, your hubby won’t pee in front of your son? who will teach him to do the shake when he’s ready to pee standing up??? I routinely send Gavin back to daddy for refresher courses on proper peeing etiquette)
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