April 29, 2008...9:24 am
At Least Buy Me A Drink First
Hey! It’s Bren, the monkeymama, filling in today while your favorite anglophile is posing for pictures with a mouse while humming “It’s A Small World.” I was working on this post over at my Primate Place where monkeys freely jump on the bed, but thought I’d share it here instead.
It’s almost that time of year. Here in Texas, the summers are so hot that my monkeys and I spend most of our time at the neighborhood pool. If we don’t go early, like by noon, it’s too crowded to really enjoy ourselves. I mean, who can swim when there are enough kids crammed in the kiddie pool to freak out Old Mother Hubbard. The last time we went to the pool in the afternoon, I decided we would never go when it’s that crowded again.
I’m usually pretty tolerant of other children running around, making noise, etc. Mine can be loud occasionally. But I don’t let them bug the crap out of other people. And I actually watch my children. An inconvenience for some parents, I know, but hey, it’s my job since I birthed them and all. I was on one of the chairs, relaxing, soaking up the sun, watching my kids swim best I could with all of the others splashing around them, and minding my own business. A kid who looked to be about 5 walked up and pointed out a sign above my head.
Him: That sign says no running.
Me: Ah, okay.
Five minutes later…
Him: That sign says no running.
Me: I know. You just told me.
Him: I know too.
In the meantime, his sister wanders over. Their mother is under an umbrella on a cell phone completely oblivious to where her kids are or what they were doing. The kid was maybe two. She wanted our beach ball so I told her she could play with it. She promptly threw it in the water and walked away. I had to get up from my nice comfy spot and fish it out of the water before it floated away and disappeared. As soon as I sat back down, she returned and tried to take my phone from the top of my open bag on the chair next to me.
Me(trying to be nice): No, no honey!
Her: Waaaaaaaaa!
The kid’s mother never looked up. The kid wandered off but as soon as I got settled and relaxed, she came right back, reached up, and grabbed my boob. No kidding! WTF?
Me(pointing and no longer trying to be nice): Go over there with your mommy!
I then told my kids they had five more minutes. Since it was obvious I couldn’t relax and I’d just been felt up, it was time to go. As I’m leaning over to pack up our things, the little boy came back.
Him: That sign says no running.
Me: Do I look like I’m running?
He made a face and walked away.
This year we will go to the pool when it opens in the morning. So what if the water is so cold that my little monkeys are blue-lipped and shivering. At least, I won’t have to worry about the overcrowding, the unsupervised kids, or fighting off unwelcomed advances. And hell, everyone knows I need a few tequila shots before I let strangers grab my boobs.
19 Comments
April 29, 2008 at 11:03 am
I wouldn’t have been so nice to the mom. I wish some parents would grow up and pay attention to their own kids for pete’s sake.
April 29, 2008 at 11:58 am
doncha just wish people would PARENT their children??????
April 29, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I am jealous that you are somewhere warm enough to go to the pool! The pool in April? Totally worth getting felt up for.
I FEAR that my son will be like this. Not because I don’t pay attention to him, but because my husband thinks that everyone in the world wants to talk to and coo over our son. He practically stops people in the street so they can say “hi” to The Baby. It’s kinda cute, but still.
April 29, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I have a whole bottle of tequila. Where do ya’ wanna meet up?
April 29, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Not many people can say they’ve been felt up by a 5 year old…I think that gives you bragging rights!
April 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm
The pool…ahh. Sounds so fun! NOT! I hate those unsupervised kids at pools, playgrounds and malls. Drives this mama completely crazy…great guest post!
April 29, 2008 at 1:31 pm
We have a frost advisory for tonight. Maybe even snow. So this whole thing where you complain about kids misbehaving and being jerks at the pool while their parents ignore them? Is lost on me. I’m too deep in my pool of bitter.
April 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I have experienced this very thing at Texas area pools. It seems so perfectly safe to let your two year old loose at a pool while busy on a very important cell phone call. Ya. We go early too…but I promise my kids won’t touch your boob.
April 29, 2008 at 3:56 pm
My husband’s comment when confronted with children like that? “Someone ought to slap their mamas”. I totally agree.
Great post.
April 29, 2008 at 4:30 pm
pool in April…. ugh! seething with jealousy.
it might snow here this weekend… ugh!
April 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm
We go to our apt pool that is so deep the young kids have to be supervised, it’s the teenagers that annoy me. They have no parents in sight.
I’d have said something to the mom!
April 29, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Oh AFF will be so proud of this post - it’s almost like she was with you in spirit while you wrote it - it has a tinge of her sarcasm and everything! : )
Public pools annoy the crap out of me but we still go cause yeah, you gotta keep your sanity in the Texas summer somehow…
April 29, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Once the summer starts, and it’s like a million degrees here in Austin, I like to go to the pool after dinner. It’s not as crowded and it’s still 98 degrees. It works for us.
April 29, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Unsupervised children are the worst. Although not as scary as their older brothers and sisters who seem to be roaming the DC streets lately, summer school trips?
April 29, 2008 at 11:55 pm
That is exactly how our neighborhood pool is. You gotta get there by 10 AM!
April 30, 2008 at 8:25 am
Kay, I would have SMACKED the sign kid. WTH? Yeah kid great you can read, PLEASE GO THE F*** away and read to YOUR mom.
Kids piss me off. I really only like mine.
April 30, 2008 at 9:45 am
That was so funny. I wouldn’t have been very nice about it, I may have had to pay some child to go grab the kid’s mother’s boob. Think she would have minded?
April 30, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Oh you so should have said something to that mother. Or maybe not. I hear that in Texas people are allowed to carry guns.
May 2, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I dealt with the same crap last night at McDonalds, well, I didn’t get felt up or anything, but there were 2 or 3 women there together and their kids were running EVERYWHERE!!!
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