April 1, 2008...8:42 pm
Would the Real Tony Danza PLEASE Stand Up??
I have mentioned lately my adorable, compliant, sweet, angelic toddler has pulled a bit of a Dr. Jekyll on us. Okay. I can handle this. I’m an adult. I will not let him see me 1. sweat 2. cry 3. lose it. He’s looking for the reaction just as much as he’s testing the waters. He wants to see just how far we will let him go. I realize this. But, realization and a hurting mommy heart are two different things.
Case in point: Last Wednesday, for the first time ever, the small one went with me to library story time. Knowing my son as well as I do, I knew this was probably not a good idea. Cooping him up and telling him to be still for a solid half hour is akin to pulling out his nose hairs individually. You just DON’T mix your alcohol. I went knowing this. Yes, I’m stupid. But, two of his little friends were going. I thought there was such a thing as safety in numbers.
His little friend decided to take off first. His mother looks at me with that face. The one that says “I am going to kill that boy before he reaches puberty” & I know it, cause I have had it many a time. I pull the 3 month old out of her hands, cuddle him in my lap, & tell her to go get him. Enter MY son.
“Mommy, put that baby down. I said ‘Put that baby down.’ No means NO. I’m in charge. Stop. You put that baby down. That’s MY lap.” (Oddly, he had no interest in my lap until this point.) ”Eee yaw Eee. Beep beep.” Translation: You better cut that crap out or I’m gonna go psycho & make you look like you are the worst parent in history. This phrase is always accompanied by his hand out in front in a stop sign-like way - and no, we have no clue where he got it from.
I just gape at the kid. When did he become such a brat? He’s generally been so easy-going. Easy like Sunday morning even. Insane jealousy over a baby? Oh, boy. Lucky us. Note to self: You so knew better than to get pregnant last summer. Mental self high five for forsight. It’s like I was listening to elevator music and suddenly Tupac comes blaring out.
But, that wasn’t an isolated incident. Over the weekend it was, “I’m the box.” What? Oh, “You mean you’re the boss?” “Yes. I’m the boss. I’m in charge. No means no.” Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln!! He’s possessed. And, what I really don’t understand is his father and I, while we may really overindulge him, have always set boundaries. We simply do not tolerate him dictating to us. I taught middle school. I am his parent, not his friend. But, where he’s gotten that he’s the ruler of this roost? I don’t know.
Any suggestions? Other than lots of spankings & time outs (cause we’re so already there!)??
49 Comments
April 1, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Sounds like he’s testing the boundaries to me. Just keep reminding him where the line is and make sure he doesn’t walk over it.
I know, easy for me to say, huh? Just remember I have a 5 year old that I still use this advice for!
April 1, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Mine didn’t pull the “I’m the boss” crap until they were a little older than your angel, but what we did seemed to work. We said, “Fine. You’re the boss. Here’s what the boss does around here: cooks dinner, washes the clothes, and does the dishes. ALL.BY.HIMSELF.” (yes, we easied it up a bit) And then we sat back and let him do that. While we just sat there and watched cartoons, eating cookies on the couch, and constantly asking for things. We yelled, we argued with each other, we generally just acted like little kids.
It lasted about 30 minutes. And hasn’t happened since.
April 1, 2008 at 9:24 pm
My best advice is to: Hold Your Ground. The kid is testing the waters and his boundaries. Don’t let him get away with it or push you - but don’t be too hard on him either. Hang in there. If you give in now - it will only be worse further on down the road. Good Luck.
Of course - me saying that, I have to admit that I did give in to some things with my daughter when she pulled that crap. But, I like to think I stuck to my guns in the more important areas.
April 1, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I agree with the women above. Hold. Your. Ground. Zachary has started pushing those boundaries a bit and actually getting on to his little sister, and honestly it upset me, but I realized I can’t let up. If I don’t hold my ground, then he’ll never get over it. It’s the terrible 3’s– Zach is coming up on his soon, and I hear they are worse than the terrible 2’s.
April 1, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Sportsmama’s advice sounds good. I don’t have any advice on this. I don’t remember my kids doing that. But it’s been a long time ago.
April 2, 2008 at 1:16 am
oh yes, 3 is much worse than 2. and let us please not discuss 4 … which those of us in the know call the f’ing 4s.
with good reason.
April 2, 2008 at 5:14 am
Okay, I should say that I have never had a BOY that is three. Two was rough with my daughter but three was definitely easy like Sunday morning. That being said, she is a girl. And, I have been learning for the last 15 months that BOYS are not like girls.
I would echo the above and say, Hold Your Ground no matter what. If he crosses the line, REACT. And strongly. I’m not a spanker (yet! Again, never had a boy before now) but I have left entire carts of food in stores because of misbehavior, left warm, expensive restaurant meals, and family functions, so…with HER it worked.
May the Force be with you….
April 2, 2008 at 5:36 am
I have no real advice but I am reading everyone else’s hoping for some magic cure!
Charlotte’s new thing is “playing dead” - when I tell her to stop or to “come here right now.” She just looks at me and falls over where she stands. No tantrum, just lies on the floor. People around us think it’s hysterical so they laugh and she gets the reaction she wanted. How do I tell strangers not to laugh at her?
Let me know if you find something that works! Because with this new baby en route, I am not looking forward to what may come.
April 2, 2008 at 5:49 am
Yup, he is testing you. Choose your battles wisely, young jedi.
I had a foster boy who has been adopted by his aunt. He is testing her in the same way, giving her hell, and he is TEN! Just make the rules, then enforce them with logical consequenses. Eventually, he will relax and get back to normal.
April 2, 2008 at 6:19 am
Yup, sounds like the independent phase is about to hit. Don’t laugh, no matter how hard it is (I know I have trouble with it cause they are so darn cute) and tell him that talk isn’t nice and try time out. But really, its a phase and they will grow out of it, when they are 25…kidding.
April 2, 2008 at 6:37 am
I can only echo with the stay firm and set the boundaries. Having only done this in a classroom I imagine it is much much harder if it is your own child.
(I have to admit the stop sign would make me smile)
April 2, 2008 at 6:58 am
That is a really good question. Hmmmm. Ya, if I had a really good answer I would insert it here. All I can say is…hold your ground maybe even back up a bit and hold your ground there because the snowball of his bossiness will roll right through the house crushing everything if you don’t.
Thank God he is so cute so you won’t do any bodily harm.
April 2, 2008 at 6:59 am
Oh wow, that’s a good one - nothing more grating than boundary testing, I always say. I also say - to my Ironflower - “you’re acting like a brat. Brats don’t get to (insert preferred activity here). Are ready to act like a kind girl?” Sometimes this works. Sometimes it creates more boundary testing opportunities.
April 2, 2008 at 6:59 am
Maybe lock him in his room until he turns 18?
Ok, kidding. KIDDING! When you find the magic answer, let me know. All I’ve got are spankings and time outs.
April 2, 2008 at 7:09 am
no advice for you, but I’m taking notes. My MJ will be there soon, she’s already testing me.
April 2, 2008 at 7:21 am
You need to write him a letter on your blog telling him to knock it off. I can say from experience that HOLY HELL it actually works. At least for a few days.
April 2, 2008 at 7:48 am
Oh. My. Gosh.
I was going to blog about this yesterday but the dog bit Jay and I had to blog about that.
I am done with my daughter. She has turned into the biggest brat and I no longer can stand it. I am so blogging about this. I am about to resort to spanking.
Great minds think alike. yes?
April 2, 2008 at 7:54 am
Welcome to three. Whoever said the two’s were terrible obviously never met a three year old. Trust me it does get better. I turned to drinking to help ease the urge to lock myself in a closet and throw away the key.
April 2, 2008 at 8:08 am
Copious amounts of alcohol and time outs?
For you. Not the toddler.
April 2, 2008 at 9:15 am
I would forgo the spankings for mental punishments. As someone who was spanked often by my dad, I can say that it left me feeling like it was an unfair punishment most of the time.
Have you tried 1-2-3 Magic? I’ve seen good results w/ that. A friend of my swears by Positive Discipline. (Both books.)
I am in favor of a naughty step with possibly a dunce cap. Teehee.
April 2, 2008 at 9:43 am
It’s called a penis and if they have one they think they are in charge of the universe. I have three boys and two of them are in the puberty thing. So far the 2-3 year old stage was waaay worse.
2 year olds will raise holy hell while at this stage in the game I’ve instilled the fear of mom and they know I am willing and able to bring it right back at them.
April 2, 2008 at 9:44 am
Oh my. Well, I think that you are doing well to not give into his behavior. Let it be a compliment that he is confident enough in your love to test you?
Or just drink.
Hydes
April 2, 2008 at 10:18 am
If you give in, even once, you’re doomed. Just stay strong and keep inforcing the rules. Also, let him make as many choices as he can for himself. I also told Liv, “This is NOT a time when you can make a choice, do as mommy says”. That way, she felt like she was a bit more in control of her choices and knew when not to press it. We still had fits and issues but WAY less.
April 2, 2008 at 11:44 am
Beat him.
Alright, I’m teasing.
Stay firm. Don’t let him get away with anything. You’ll get through this!
April 2, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Just be consistent, if he sees a bit of weakness you’re done!
This too shall pass, eventually.
April 2, 2008 at 12:51 pm
We used to use humor - to a point. Challenges to authority (and with three sons, they came frequently) were greeted with Dad’s impression of Steve Martin’s “Excuuuuuuuse Meeeeeee - you’re so far off base that you’re not even in the game anymore.” We like baseball at our house. And it was always said with exaggerated expression - to emphasize the humor intended. It was meant to be funny. It was also meant to express the truth.
April 2, 2008 at 1:15 pm
awww, it’s cute! Give the boy a cookie.
Actually, I’m with Kellie’s advice on this one, however I’d add chocolate.
April 2, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Duct tape and velcro walls work wonders
Actually his just testing his boundries; stay consistent and take a favorite toy when he misbehaves (after a warning).
Good luck–this too shall pass!
April 2, 2008 at 3:30 pm
It’s so hard when they do this. My daughter was the worst! At 2 and 3 she could debate you with logic and intensity and perserverance. You think you’ll never say “Cause I said so!” but in the face of it, getting worn down to a nub, it’s “time out and shut up kid. “
April 2, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I need the advice also. My daughter has been a hellcat recently.
April 2, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Put your foot down. Or up his ass. No? Well…I got nuthin’…
April 2, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Sounds like my 5 1/2 year old son. Whenever he talks to us like that, he goes to his room, no if ands or buts. His response is always “You’re not my friend Mom” and mine is “I was not put on this earth to be your friend. I was put here to be your mom. Now go to your room until you know the difference.”
I’m hoping this is a stage however. Because the chocolate I am forced to eat as a result? Is wrecking my diet.
April 2, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I’m still giggling over the fact that you normally go to storytime without him.
Sorry, guess I’m a little mean these days too. Does he hear those words a lot? No means no. And I’m the boss? I just love that age when you get everything you’ve ever done thrown right back in your face.
April 2, 2008 at 8:09 pm
The good news is….he turns four eventually. The bad news is….he turns four eventually. Kidding! It gets better and you’re doing great. Standing your ground now saves heaps of trouble later on. Stay strong!
April 2, 2008 at 8:11 pm
The memories of having a toddler. I shudder and smile at the same time.
I hate to tell ya, but they are kinda the bosses at that time….until you go postal on their butts!
April 2, 2008 at 8:40 pm
No great suggestions. Just prayers for you. Prayers for us all actually… ; P
April 3, 2008 at 8:07 am
I got nothing…just tuned in to see what everyone else says. We are in the same place with Miss Peach. Not fun!
April 3, 2008 at 8:45 am
my two oldest children could sit through movies, story time…having another child sit on my lap…ANYTHING!! enter smallest child…i haven’t seen one single childs movie in its entirety, i have NEVER gone to storytime at the library and…god forbid ANYONE should sit on my…i mean his…lap!
xoxo
April 3, 2008 at 9:11 am
OK, so it isn’t just me (with the toddler straight out of The Exorcist…
Praise the Lord. I am convinced it is a nature thing and not a nurture thing…because, duh, like we are obviously doing everything right. Glad I stumbled upon your blog…really, you have some great writing on here…
April 3, 2008 at 9:28 am
I agree with Toni and Stephanie. Leave the store, whatever and give him a punishment. I agree that giving him some choices and explaining what a choice is and that it’s his to make, and that sometimes there aren’t his choices to make (at a down time) seems pretty reasonable.
and if you have to spank, then give him a hard swat [any arseholes that want to disagree, fine, but your kids are the ones who havent figured out boundaries yet, nuff said] (I’ve seen 100s of parents go 1, 2, I said 2, I said 2, don’t make me go to three, okay 2 and a half-pleading with their kids)… it’s pretty pointless if it doesnt work, you know? meanwhile the child is still making an arse out of himself and you… you shouldnt plead. ever. it’s your way or the highway, at this point.
April 3, 2008 at 9:39 am
Is there something in the air? Because my usually well behaved although crazy 3 year old has started pulling a bit of an attitude on me too! That child has never said NO to me and now she is trying to boss me around. Might have to put the smackdown on her.
April 3, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Spanking did not work for Boy-Child#2. It just made him try harder. If we were at home during one of his episodes we would just flat out ignore him. It took tremendous will power. If we were out, I was not opposed to literally dragging him out of wherever we were.
He still is exhaustingly stubborn. Which I can handle since there are no longer any tantrums.
April 3, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Definitely boundary testing. Totally normal.
That said, you need to make him remember who is the boss. Just stay firm and consistent and this too shall pass. Really. But if you don’t stay firm and consistent, it won’t. It will only get worse.
Hang in there. Margaritas do help.
April 3, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Strong drinks work wonders. And lots of patience.
April 3, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I’m with HG on this one. This too shall pass. Just keep up with the consistency thing. Consistency is always key, in everything. I have to remember this with Mr. Seven Year Old, myself.
xxoo
April 3, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Try to ignore as much as you can. When he gets disrespectful than you punish. Time out. Take a favorite toy away. Whatever. But ignore as much as you can. Like you said, he is looking for a reaction. Also, I would refuse to talk to the boys until they apologized and spoke nicely again. That means if they wanted water, had to go potty, whatever, apology first.
If that doesn’t work, duct tape works wonders! And if you pull it off slowly it won’t hurt!
April 5, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Hmmm… so, what have I learned? Firm, fair, consistent (you, as a teacher, heard that thousands of time I am sure–as have I). If that fails–duct tape and drinking . . .
April 8, 2008 at 10:56 am
Sorry, no suggestions. Just making sure to read everyone else’s comments and suggestions so I know what to do if and when my kiddos reach this stage.
April 8, 2008 at 11:35 am
I have a brat of an 8 year old and she tries me at every turn. Time Outs, punishment for me. Grounding, again, punishment for me. Set boundries, she just stomps on them on her way through. I kinda like the idea of massive amounts of alcohol! Once she goes to sleep, its Momma time. Good Luck!
Leave a Reply