March 16, 2008...8:11 pm
A Traitor Among Us
FIRST AND FOREMOST: Happy St. Patrick’s Day! ERIN GO BRAGH! AND, DON’T FORGET TO CHEER NOTRE DAME & WEAR YOUR GREEN.
The last several weeks my son has decided sweet, angelic and very polite are so old news. This glimpse into the threes - and, have you heard? three is the new two! - is making my hair grey, my face wrinkle, and giving me zits (or is that from eating four boxes of Thin Mints? Damn, you Girl Scouts!). Apparently, now son is both bossy and defiant with a flair for melodrama.
Those of you with sons, how did you deal with this? Am I alone? There are times I think I’m going to beat him to a pulp for looking me right in the eye and doing the opposite of what I’m telling him. There are times I’m so frustrated with him I nearly break down and cry. It’s unnerving. I normally take things in stride, so for me to lose it, says this is certainly NOT the norm.
What to do? What to do? Well, I have been partaking of a little more wine while listening to the whines. What’s he doing exactly? Well, for example dumping a gallon of bubble solution into my water fountain while I’m on the phone or grabbing my book out of my hand and professing the book to be his “source of power.”
It’s like that phase we did at 17 months, where you had to watch the kid every single second has returned with a vengeance. As most of my Twits know, while drying my hair on Friday morning, he managed to get the child proof tops off of his gummy vitamins. I found him eating them as if they actually were gummy bears. Instead of getting anything done, I got to deal with Poison Control. Not one of my finer moments, I assure you. Sitting around waiting for either diarrhea or puke is not pleasant. (And, thank God! we didn’t get either.)
With his birthday approaching, my newest form of punishment is rather brutal, but highly effective: “SD, do you want me to cancel your Chuck E Cheese party?” which creates a deer in the headlights look! Or, for truly heinous displays of naughty, I say, “SD do you want to see Mickey at his Clubhouse (Disney World), or do we need to cancel the trip?” It works, sue me.
I hold out for the glimpses of the child I know who is in there somewhere - even when he’s hiding. This normally comes in the form of his zippy one liners. The other day, the tyke told me he was a “traitor.” How apropos! I have no earthly idea where the boy wonder is gleaning this stuff, but it’s keeping us entertained in between his not-so-charming moments.
48 Comments
March 16, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Charlotte told me to “chill out” the other day when I was changing her.
If this is 22 months, I will be in AA by the time she is three.
March 16, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Take heart in the fact that girls are worse (better?) at this than boys. (Like that’s really helping you.) And threats are totally within limits.
March 16, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Ok, so my dad warned me about the 3 year old stage he said the terrible twos have NOTHING on 3 year olds, it’s when kids start lying and developing a mind of their own.
I know that doesn’t help. I’m sorry. I’m still 6 months from Zach turning 3 and he’s starting to do a couple of things that are not like him, but he’s not bad yet.
I’m bracing myself though.
March 16, 2008 at 8:49 pm
When our 26 year old son was about 4, and his younger brother was 2 (Zach wouldn’t be born for another 5 years) he decided to show his brother that he was Superman. We had a refrigerator magnet, from which he took inspiration, and he laid it on the floor as he climbed up to his top bunk and leapt off, into the air. Being Superman. He has a scar, right between his eyebrows. Kind of a jagged little thing. Exactly the same shape as the edge of the cape on the Superman magnet. It seems the muscles in his little body weren’t strong enough to keep his head from bouncing off the floor. And right between the eyebrows is where he hit the magnet with his head.
March 16, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Repeat after me: “I am the boss. I am the boss. I am the boss.”
Perhaps if you are able to convince yourself that the lie is true, you’ll be able to convince others.
And now I’m off to chant, “It won’t happen to me. It won’t happen to me. It won’t happen to me.”
March 16, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Do NOT use the birthday threat! When Julie was 3, she was a very stubborn child. She did something and I don’t even remember what. I told her not to do it. She did it again. I told her that if she did it again, I would take away her birthday. She stared right at me, smiled, and did it again. She never turned 4. We had no party. We had no cake. We had no gifts. No one was allowed to say “Happy Birthday”. It was the longest day of my life. And to this day, when she acts infantile or stubborn, she blames me since she never turned 4. Hence, she will always be 3!
March 16, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Oh good luck with this! I always said terrific twos, terrible threes, and “f”ing fours!
March 16, 2008 at 10:08 pm
oh, amy! you took the comment right out of my fingers!
yep. the f’ing 4s are ahead of you, holly. no one ever lets on, though, that 3 totally sucks too.
March 16, 2008 at 10:29 pm
I must say that this was quite an enjoyable post. Not that I enjoy the misery you are undoubtedly going through, but I enjoy the simple fact of knowing that we are not alone in the delicacies of child rearing!
After raising multiple youngsters, I have come to the realization that the issues never go away, they simply morph into new ones year after year . . . after year . . . after year . . . after year . . . aft(well, you get the drift). Have a great day!
March 16, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Both of my boys were the devil’s spawn at 3 years old. I. totally. get. you. I did just like you are, threatening to cancel upcoming events. Sometimes I had to actually do it. It was hard.
Amy is right….the fours are coming. I remember when my oldest finally snapped out of this stage. It was just before kindergarten and I had told him to do something one day and he said “okay mommy”. Just like that. And I seriously, no lie, did a double take. And it was over.
My daughter never went through all that. She’s saving it for the teen years. Pray for me.
March 16, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Yep, three is the new two. I agree. And Tommy turns 3 in four days. Yikes!!!
My mom always tells me to ignore as much as possible and only freak out on the really big stuff. Other than that, I’m out of ideas. The wine sounds like a brilliant solution!
Hang in there!
March 16, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Keep being consistent. And yes the threes are worse than the twos. But it will be much shorter lived if they learn they can’t get away with it.
Be strong and wear your grey hairs with pride. Or become great friends with your stylist.
Hang in there.
March 16, 2008 at 10:51 pm
In case you are wondering, sweetE is 3.5 and seems to be over it. I can only hope.
March 17, 2008 at 5:31 am
“bossy and defiant with a flair for melodrama”: Hmmn. Wherever did he inherit this??? (:
I am anxious to hear what people tell you because my kid is on a mission to kill me…
March 17, 2008 at 5:48 am
One of my best friends has triplet girls who will be four this summer. She told me once that whoever called it “the terrible twos” had never had a three year old.
Here’s to hoping that your cute kid comes back soon.
March 17, 2008 at 6:19 am
Hope the charmer returns soon, at least the one liners are good!
My Mum has always claimed I changed overnight just in time for my 3rd birthday party where I think I received my one and only smack! So it doesn’t look like it is just SD
March 17, 2008 at 6:33 am
I’ve never heard of a 3 year old stage! Oh no!! I thought the 2’s were the worst I had to look forward too….uh oh!
I think I’d be threatening just like you are. No harm done - as long as he thinks you mean it!
March 17, 2008 at 6:41 am
I didnt think 4 was bad at all. 3 though… Oh 3. It was day to day from 3 to 3 1/2. I thought for sure we’d both be in therapy before the end of it.
ONLY threaten what you will REALLY take away. Otherwise, they learn it’s just a threat and wont listen to ANY threats. Also, threatening things that are happening THAT day or in the NEAR future works better!
Hang in there. At 3 1/2 it was like a switch was flipped and I got my kid back.
March 17, 2008 at 7:22 am
I feel your pain so much here……
Now I’m crying because I feel your pain too much and my daughter is driving me crazy!!!
Boo-Hoo!
March 17, 2008 at 7:36 am
I have yet to hit the three stage. But, I saw my nephew and sister deal with it and holy crap…not pretty.
I’m scared now. Also? I’m going to join Burgh Baby’s Mom and chant “it won’t happen to me”.
March 17, 2008 at 7:58 am
Aaron can throw tantrums like nobody’s business. Let’s not even bring up the hitting. Oh, and he said his first swear word Saturday.
March 17, 2008 at 8:05 am
AFF, my 4 year old is also causing me to ‘grey at the edges’ and break out in spots, and she’s a girl. So they must all be the same - damn hard work at times!! Great site by the way, I’ll be back.
March 17, 2008 at 8:16 am
I am having issue with a 20 months old, please don’t tell me I have to go through it again at 3 (argh).
Hang in there. I don’t know if it gets better but I sure hope it does!
March 17, 2008 at 8:29 am
I am screwed no matter how you slice it…Miss Peach is heading towards three, and The Little Man is on his way to two…Pass the wine, the whole bottle!
March 17, 2008 at 8:41 am
Ugh - I have no advice, just sympathy. I hope things get better. I’m sure the sweet angel is still there somewhere.
Write down all the things that helped you through this phase, so that when I get there you can tell me! ‘kay?!?!
March 17, 2008 at 9:08 am
I always felt three was the worst, so hang in there!
The threats like that will work until he figures out there’s no WAY you’ll cancel Disney.
Then the real fun begins!
March 17, 2008 at 9:44 am
My daughter was (OK, Still is) very stubborn. She tried to be boss. She still tries to be boss. Must be this teenager thing going on. *Gag*
My son was and still is very easy going and lay back kind of dude. Complete opposite of my daughter. They crack me up.
March 17, 2008 at 9:49 am
I’ve got one of those too - 3 is MUCH worse than 2 but 4 and 5 are decent. Hang in there!
March 17, 2008 at 10:06 am
Oh yes - 3 is the absolute WORST. It was in my household anyway. My daughter was a nightmare. Now that she is 4 life is MUCH MUCH sweeter (or else I’ve just grown so accustomed to it that I don’t pay attention anymore).
March 17, 2008 at 11:09 am
I am so there with you. He will be 3 in June, and has gotten rather stubborn, demanding and defiant lately. It is like Jekyll and Hyde — sometimes he does and says the cutest things and at other times I am at my wits end. Especially about how to get him to stop pushing his brother down — the naughty step doesn’t really seem to be working so well in that arena. He is also prone to crazy tantrums now — luckily he is finally starting to be able to talk about them — “I feel really, really angry because Mommy took my clothes off” — he wanted to take them off all by himself! I am getting better at just walking away and not engaging them, but the blood pressure goes sky high!
March 17, 2008 at 11:41 am
Hon, if I had some advice for you, I would share it, but I don’t! I am going through alot of the same with my 7 year old! Yes, 7!! She is defiant and constantly has an attitude! It is driving me up a freakin wall!!! And her 2 year old little sister is just a hop, skip and a jump away from that too!
March 17, 2008 at 11:53 am
I say more wine :o) Or have a girl child. Then you can look back and see what an angel your little guy is because those girls? Oiy!!!!!
March 17, 2008 at 12:01 pm
My son who isn’t even close to three, has been so bad lately, too. I’ve been on the brink of either beating him or tears so much lately. I FEAR three because everyone tells me that it’s worse.
March 17, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I have always said that 3 was way worse than 2!
March 17, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I can tell you this phase will pass. When Wesley hit 3 I thought I was going to kill myself! It was horrible. But shortly before he turned four he changed back to my sweet boy. About 2 months before Brannon turned 3 the same dreaded syndrome came about him. # is the owrst age in my opinion. Just earlier today and friend and I were commiserating on how mush we hate this age. Try to stay sane and know that everything he is going through will only be temporary!
March 17, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Unfortunately I have no advise for you.
I have only the hopes that my girls won’t give in to the terrible two’s or three’s.
Somehow, I don’t think that will happen. **sigh**
March 17, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I am feeling your pain and yeah, I went through that a few times.
Oh joy! My oldest son was my most difficult and I got to sit through a call with poison control and give him Ipecac (sp?) because he opened my bottle of allergy meds and I didn’t know if he taken some or not.
My youngest was 3 (I think) when I swatted him (yes I would swat on rare occasions) and he turned to me and snotily said, “THAT didn’t hurt!”. Oh you can bet he got a swat that hurt.
I remember Hershey’s syrup in the carpet, cereal in the toilet and comet all over him like powder. Walking into the kitchen to find him sitting on the counter with his blanket sleeper feet in the sink, the sink full of soapy water and his washing dishes. Yeah.
Someday you will get to giggle as he goes through these things with his own kids.
March 17, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Don’t despair - while three is . . .um. . .a challenge, Ironflower actually led Lovebug OUT of the bathroom this morning explaining, “Mommy needs her privacy - let’s go play in your room.” My bowels and I haven’t been so relaxed in years. It’s not all bad.
March 17, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Hilarious (that you’re there and not me)
I was relieved to know that I’m not crazy though– the 17-month stage is just like you said and I am about to go mad. Now, my advice to you. Write all of this down…oh wait, you just did. It will get you through the teen years when you want to kill the alien that has taken over his body, by helping you remember that stages pass…eventually…they do, really…
March 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I feel you…but a year later. My son just had his fourth birthday and instantly turned into Mr. Hyde. One good thing about birthdays–you’re guaranteed to get lots of new supercool toys that can be confiscated for a few days when he’s being a stinker. I display the toys prominently on top of the fridge for maximum impact. Good luck!
March 17, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Oh yeah, three is much more terrible than two and the wine does help!
And I say bribery is the best policy! Whatever works!!
March 17, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Was reading Typical Momma’s blog and clicked on the Tax Relief button and ended up here. read a bit and found your blog interesting, so I added you to my blogroll and intend on stopping back frequently. Have a good st. Patrick’s Day.
March 17, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Oh my, I’m not sure you all will be able to handle teenagers!
Try and keep in mind that a sense of humor and a flair for wordplay is a sign of intelligence. He’ll still drive you crazy, but you can be a little smug about why!
It’s probably revenge for the jon-jon’s!
March 17, 2008 at 6:47 pm
You are so right that the threes are the new twos. He is really in a hot trend. He is really a trendsetter. And wine is helpful to help with the whine, but not a long term solution…but turning 4 may help…eventually…a long way off…OMG. I am not helping, am I?
March 17, 2008 at 7:57 pm
I’m pretty sure Alex told me this morning my breath smells like farts. I couldn’t tell for sure tho through all the screaming.
ps. you said damn. It’s still Lent
March 18, 2008 at 10:10 am
the trick is that you have to be willing to do what you say
March 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Yeah, the stages do pass, and then they turn into new stages. My 10 yr old is driving me insane right now. One second I want to throttle him, and the next he’s the greatest kid in the world.
I just keep telling myself that nothing worth doing is ever easy. And drink wine.
March 23, 2008 at 6:07 am
Oh, two year olds are lovely! You can take away the contraband item and say “oh look! A cup!” and they are totally distracted. Threes take a lot more brain power. Never make a threat you won’t follow through, and use logic to explain consequenses. “you hit him with the truck? No more truck till tomorrow.” My lowest points in parenting were when my boys were three: “DO NOT *thwack!* hit your brother I said!!” DUH! Threes bring out the worst in us. But my three boys seem to be quite un-traumatized by their experiences!
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