Them’s the Rules

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Dear Males of the Species (be you husbands, boyfriends, or sigoths):

After much thought and careful deliberation (and my post on Monday), we the GLOW girls (Gorgeous Ladies of Wivedom) have decided to create this cutsy little “Honey Do” list to enlighten you.   Now, we don’t expect Renaissance Men, but there are certain chores around the house we are somehow required to fulfill.  These include: cooking, cleaning, child rearing, going into wanton hussy mode on your whims, vacuuming, finding everything you have lost, making your lunches, sweeping, mopping, laundry (washing, folding, putting away), running your errands, and cleaning toilets you have invariably streaked with code browns.  In exchange for all these useful services, there are certain jobs you are fully expected to perform.  There are not many, but if you would listen to your childhood nursery rhyme, you are “snips & snails & puppy dog tails.”  Here is a compilation of BOY JOBs a group of like-minded women have put together:

• ANYthing related to trash: putting it in bags, hauling it to the curb…it is not reasonable at 7:29 and 30 seconds when you hear the garbage truck coming to expect your wife to haul butt up the stairs to gather the diaper trash.  This is in your job description.
• ANYthing related to cars: We are very unconcerned about oil, fan belts, or engine lights.  We will fill the car with gas, but anything further is decidedly in your sphere of influence.
• ANYthing related to bugs: Bug zapping is very much in your department.  When we shriek! at the sight of a spider?  You are fully expected to drop everything to come & kill it.
• ANYthing related to boogeymen: If something goes bump! in the night, you are fully expected to inspect every nook and cranny, regardless of the time, as part of your love, devotion, and marriage vows.
• Lawn mowing: Boys have the use of all power tools and serious power equipment.  Far be it for us to break one of them by trying to use them.

We, as your wives, girlfriends, and sigoths feel your list is mild when compared to ours.  So, the next time you fail to perform a BOY JOB, we might just fail to perform a GIRL JOB.  Like the next time, say, I clean the toilet you frequent and then you immediately streak it afterwards?  I might have to give you a toilet brush.  I’m just saying…..

Signed,

A GLOW woman who could very well turn into a Gorgeous Lady of Wrestling if I have to perform one more BOY JOB.

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Filed under Bad Mommy, Da Boys, Getting Older and Wiser, I'm such a freakazoid, Motor Mouth, Needy PMSing Witch, The Joys of Motherhood, housework sucks, things I hate about being a girl, undomestic goddess