Tails of a Skunk

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I have been remiss in sharing recent utterings of the small boy child, sweetie darling, who occupies 86.4% of my time (the other 13 odd % being devoted to blogging), and I’m rather embarrassed with myself for this.  Because, this is someone who requires virtually all of my free time, who chooses when the real alarm clock goes off, and who provides most of my adult conversation during the day.  Despite the fact that lately, the answer to most of my questions and answers is deemed, “Interesting,” with a rubbing of the chin, I still get lots out of these little talks.  Take this one for example.

The other afternoon when SD should have been in hour two of his nap (but had not yet fallen asleep, of course!), I went up to lay down the law.  Approximately twenty-four of his books were strewn across the bed and he lay in it ala Mena Suvari in American Beauty.  I carefully piled them all on his nightstand and in no uncertain terms assured him that if he did not go to sleep, like right then so I could catch up on my blog reads, I would give him a serious beat down or tickle.  As these books were already out at bedtime, I did the lazy what any intelligent mother would do & read a couple of those.  Daddy dearest was also present, so he also got to read one.  His being a book called Tails,which is about various animals’ tails.  The genius behind the book is that it has tabs that pull out, and each tail is actually tactile…up until the skunk.  I cannot for the life of me figure out why they made the skunk scratch & sniff.  It boggles the mind.  So, as this is Puppy reading and not Mommy, he actually smells the skunk and lets the kiddo do it, too, eliciting the expected, “Eww.  Stinky!”

Then came yesterday afternoon.  I begged and pleaded for the membership to the uber trendy gym.  During swim lessons, this was wonderful, because I popped the tyke in the kid care, exercised, retrieved him and we swam.  Now, it’s not as easy to work exercise in, but as I promised Puppy I’d be there “at least 4 times a week,” we went.  First off, the kid refuses to go in kid care.  He shrieks, he runs out the door, he sobs.  I plead and cajole until he acquiesces.  I sweat to the oldies which are actually teenager hits I am not at all familiar with (remind me to ask for an Ipod for my anniversary) as I’m about 67 trapped in the body of a 29 (again) year old.  I finish my workout, then retrieve my child who now, of course, cries that he does not want to leave.  I shrug and pick him up bodily so we can actually leave.

“I smells something.”

“Hmm?  What dear?”

“I smells something stinky.”

“Oh?”

“Eww.  Stinky!”

“Wait?  Mommy’s sweaty.  Does mommy smell stinky?”

“Yah.  Mommy’s stinky like skunk.  Eww skunky Mommy.”

And, there you have it.  I have been stinky from his pee, his spit up, his poop, his puke, his snot…but the one time I am stinky from my own volition I am a skunk.  And, Happy St. Valentine’s Day to you, too, darling boy.

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MamaGeek got it right.  In the BC (before child) world, February 14th was a day of gorging on Godiva truffles in a bubble bath with a glass of wine AFTER a lush dinner in a gourmet restaurant.  AD (after destruction) we’re ordering the take away prime rib dinner at the grocery store (for the second year in a row, just like my main momma, Catwoman).  Ah, these are the days we’ll remember.

The highlight of my day will certainly be lunch with the Catwoman, despite her telling me she didn’t want to go to lunch with Skeletor.  My response: you get a better table when you eat with a celebrity.

 Happy Lovers day Lovahs!  Don’t do anything too crazy to share in a blogpost.

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Filed under Crazy Tyke God Gave Me, Exercise Sucks, I love SD, Makes the Stretch Marks Almost Tolerable, My life BC (before child), Smartie Fartie, Staypuff Marshmallow Woman, The Joys of Motherhood, Uncategorized