January 30, 2008...8:45 pm
How To Make A Grown Man Cry
Step One is buying a $28.64 steak at the grocery. This occurs, because despite knowing it’s a BAD idea going to the store hungry, you do it at all costs, in order to gorge on all the free handouts. You are firmly of the opinion that coming in under budget means you splurge somewhere. You think, “I need a juicy steak!”
Step Two is telling your sigoth he can fix it however he likes it. You do this to avoid the evil eye that comes from committing a felony ala step one.
Step Three is asking if there is anything you need to do to get the grill started. Grills and grilling belong in the sphere of boy jobs (including anything car related, trash related or bug squashing), but being such a great gal, you volunteer to go above and beyond and help out. Spouse says, “Start the grill at 4:30…this thing’s gonna take forever to cook.”
Step Four is actually following those directions, including the realization that you have no charcoal..requiring a quick trek to the store…and hurridly getting back to spray lighter fluid, then spending ten minutes in 40 degree weather fighting 35 mph winds trying to get the damn thing lit. “Light you fudger!! Damn you!!”
Step Five is throwing the steak on the grill. Ooh. The flames. Sizzle sizzle.
Step Six is setting the timer for 20 minutes.
Step Seven is returning to the grill to find that despite what you know to be true, bone can burn. Ruh roh!
Step Eight is calling the spouse at precisely 5:12 when you know he is packing up to head home to say, “Something bad has happened to the steak.”
Step Nine is having that spouse walk in to find this:
Step 10 is watching that same spouse throw a tantrum worse than the two year old standing right behind him, complete with feet stomping, and “I had a horrible day, and all I could think about was how I was going to come home to that steak dinner.” This also elicits many other snide comments.
Step 11 is telling the spouse that if he can’t act like the grown up Puppy Dog that he is, he will NOT get to eat his yummy dessert. He will eat the new dinner, a homemake spinach & tomato pizza, and he will like it, dammit! This was dessert:
Step 12 is watching the man cry.
46 Comments
January 30, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Hilarious. I’m sorry but that young, happy looking man from this morning’s post was that cross? I love steak but am bad at cooking it - must be said. Despite your photo I could so eat one now though…now that you have mentioned it - and fyi - my hubby used to order them like that in restaurants!
January 30, 2008 at 8:53 pm
My hubby was fine right up till he saw he the picture of the steak. He did not throw a tantrum - it wasn’t his steak - but he did cry.
He also said it wasn’t your fault. That’s what Pup gets for having you do a boy job.
I am so sorry. The last steak that I bought, Holly surfed right off the counter. Maybe we’re just hamburger kind of gals.
January 30, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I’m just wondering why the “undomestic goddess” decided she could grill a steak.
January 30, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Oh, that’s brutal.
January 30, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Dang, it started off so good, I thought the tears were going to be tears of joy.
January 30, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Oh damn. I’m still giggling over ‘oooh sizzle, sizzle’? Those heart cupcakes are a thing of BEAUTY. Who needs meat when you have those anyways?
January 30, 2008 at 11:23 pm
There’s still meat in there, I see it! Well, you know, like Andy Griffith says, “You still have your pep!” Right?
January 31, 2008 at 12:23 am
AWWWW. You’re too good to him.
January 31, 2008 at 12:29 am
Sadly, I’m not even trusted enough to pick out the right steak. *sigh*
And he wonders why he is forced to eat so damn much pasta.
January 31, 2008 at 12:41 am
oh my gawd! he let you touch a grill?
actually, in my house, i’m the griller. he’s the one who uses the “set it and forget it” (my son used to work for ronco)! and never the two jobs shall be exchanged!
January 31, 2008 at 3:21 am
Lol, I hate cooking steak therefore I rarely (once every three years I guess) do.
I think the cake more than made up fo ir…and I’d prefer the pizza any day!
January 31, 2008 at 6:02 am
Well, I’m not allowed to touch the grill. I don’t know why, I always make good steaks, hamburgers, and they’re not bloody red inside when I finish cooking them. But you’re right, NLM is in that same mind set- men are the only ones that can “cook” on the grill. I usually, though, have to nuke my food in the microwave for a minute or so, in order for me to eat it.
January 31, 2008 at 6:37 am
oh god steak is a nightmare to cook. I do cook it but on steak nights T seems to find many reasons to be in the kitchen “supervising”!
The cake was lovely and cute though, tears of happiness maybe????
January 31, 2008 at 6:49 am
Who knew steak bone could burn? Bummer! I hope he liked the cupcake!
January 31, 2008 at 7:01 am
And that is why I do not venture into the land of grilling….
January 31, 2008 at 7:05 am
the meat still looked edible to me, but I like mine ‘done’ - so.. who knows, anyway, if he leaves at 10 after 5, umm, couldnt he cook the friggin steak? no offense to you, its just that you’ve said you dont do well in that area, you think he’d be happy to have the grill lit for him, a glass of tea (or whiskey) and a raw steak.
my hubby keeps trying to get me to ‘learn’ how to cook on the grill and I refuse, that’s the only time I get to only prepare half the meal, when I actually get some sort of break, and I think that’s fair.. when he helps me, sure he’s there, but I’m still supervising, telling him the steps to doing something, etc. it’s good that we’re learning to co-exist in the kitchen, and i’d love for him to cook for me sometimes, but i’m sure he’d rather i didnt go out and tinker with his truck when he’s not there, that’s about how i feel about the kitchen. because, HE doesnt pick up his tools after he’s done using them… he he!
January 31, 2008 at 7:16 am
My husband would leave me for that.
January 31, 2008 at 7:32 am
I’m laughing, but I know it’s wrong.
Been there, done that.
Can I have a cupcake?
January 31, 2008 at 7:37 am
I grilled before Hubby came along, then he took over. But when he decided to go from a gas grill to charcoal I told him it was all his. I’m not fooling with charcoal, lighter fluid, etc. This of course, suits him just fine, as it does me.
I must say, I like my steak well done, but that one even puts hubby, king of cooking it until it is shoe leather, to shame!!!!! Poor pup! I know how he feels!
January 31, 2008 at 8:30 am
That’s why we don’t grill outside at my house, we “pan sear” which is just as good, danggit.
January 31, 2008 at 8:36 am
“Something bad has happened to the steak.” words no man wants to hear…That’s why I let the man cook it!
January 31, 2008 at 8:36 am
You tried! That counts right? Id have killed a steak on the grill as well. That cupcake looks AMAZING though!
January 31, 2008 at 8:50 am
I don’t even know how to turn our grill on, so I give you major props just for the effort!
January 31, 2008 at 9:58 am
Oh poor hubby and poor you! Love the cake but RIP steaks.
January 31, 2008 at 10:08 am
Oh that poor steak… My heart breaks for it as well, because I’m sure it would have been really, really good. It was definitely too pretty to end up as roadkill.
But that’ll teach Pup to not come home earlier to handle a task of this magnitude!
It’s really all his fault.
January 31, 2008 at 10:09 am
My hubby is the only one allowed to pick out the steak in our family. He is also the only one allowed to grill said steak for the same reason as your lovely picture.
Sorry about the steak. You tried. It is the thought that counts, right?
You told me I can come and stay with you to escape this nasty cold weather. Does your offer still stand?
Course, the weather by you doesn’t sound much better at the moment.
Hmmmm.
January 31, 2008 at 10:12 am
LMAO!!
I let him do the grilling - I had a hamburger explode on me once. I was done.
January 31, 2008 at 10:13 am
What’s he moaning about? Charcoal is good for you!
Love the cakes. “I do like a bit of cake.”
January 31, 2008 at 10:24 am
Oh, that poor steak…but hello yummy dessert!
January 31, 2008 at 11:05 am
Reason #514 why I’m a vegetarian. If anyone instructs me to cook meat, it’s their own dang fault when it doesn’t turn out right. You can’t cook what you won’t eat.
Look at you, Miss Fancy Desserts. Well done! I know it’s tough to slave away in the bakery aisle!
January 31, 2008 at 11:35 am
Maybe you should consider a gas grill. I love the taste from a charcoal grill, but the gas is so much easier.
Looks like you make a mean desert though.
January 31, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Dessert looks delicious.
January 31, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Step 13: Then tell him not only will he not get the steak dinner or the yummy dessert, he will also not be having any sexual relations tonight.
January 31, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I can’t grill, unless it’s on the George Forman!
January 31, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Wait, you tried to grill a steak, then you made a substitute dinner and dessert? I think he should be crying tears of joy over how wonderful you are.
January 31, 2008 at 6:39 pm
This is how I cook. It is either burnt beyond recognition or it under cook. Since I hate pink in any meat I tend to burn it all.
January 31, 2008 at 7:28 pm
awwwwww
I found you!!!!
January 31, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Are you trying to say that food should NOT look like that when cooking is complete. Ruh-roh is right!
January 31, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Tag!
February 1, 2008 at 2:05 am
That was awesome. Poor guy. You tried. I say it counts lots. I do not do the grill thing.
February 1, 2008 at 4:57 am
I do kinda feel bad for poor Pup, but the cake is lovely
February 1, 2008 at 8:00 am
Wait, your first mistake was letting him know how much it cost!
(Good save though, and doesn’t dessert ALWAYS make everything ok?!)
February 1, 2008 at 8:25 am
Dessert always makes things better. And the pizza sounded good, too.
And now you can say you’ve developed a 12 step program! You should be so proud. It might not be that novel, but there’s lots of money in self-help, too.
February 1, 2008 at 9:37 am
I think that I would have cried too.
And I love your haiku- o - information.
February 1, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Oh, so sorry! But I have to say it looks better than a lot of meals I have served.
February 1, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Oh man… that would totally make me cry, too. Poor steak!
The dessert would’ve made up for it completely… looks like it did for you, too!
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